Marriage

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January 3, 2010 by Andy Johnson

Sharing a Bathroom

For the first time in over 7 years of marriage my wife and I are sharing a bathroom. As we transitioned into this new arrangement I was quite excited about it. I pictured us brushing our teeth together and sharing humorous moments like the couples on sitcoms do. And I haven’t been disappointed. So far it’s been a lot of fun! But one thing I wasn’t prepared for is the amount of odd products that my wife would keep in this room, products that have left me a bit puzzled as to their purpose. Here’s a small sampling:

Pink Foot Thingy
In the bathtub there’s this flat, pink thing in the shape of a foot with small, plastic bristles on it. Sometimes it’s on the floor of the tub, and sometimes it’s suctioned to the wall of the tub. I try my best to avoid it. What kind of genius marketing campaign caused my wife to buy whatever it is this thing is?

Candles
There are candles on the edge of the tub. Not very practical if you ask me. I guess if the power goes out and my wife is taking a bath she’ll have some backup lighting. But why not just use a flashlight from under the sink?

Seven Bathing Liquids
Whether for hair or skin, there are, no joke, SEVEN bottles of something in the bathtub. How does she know which one to use and when? And with this many products how does she manage to take even quicker showers than I do? It’s a mystery.

Scale
It’s the first time since I was a kid that I’ve had a weight scale in the bathroom. At first I thought this was a neat thing. But after seeing that I need to lose some weight I find myself habitually stepping onto the scale and scrutinizing every pound, as if I’m day trading on the stock market and over-analyzing the movement of a company’s every penny. I don’t really like this scale.

Cotton Balls
Cotton balls? Some company is making a killing on cotton balls, and even they probably don’t know what they’re being used for.

Cationic Hydration Interlink
This is on the sink counter. I’m listing it here because it’s representative of so many products in our bathroom that sound complicated and whose names don’t give a clue as to their use. I decided to read the instructions on the packaging of this one. I’m still puzzled as to what it is or what it’s supposed to do.

I’ll stop there. What really stumps me is wondering how my wife finds out about these bizarre products in the first place. I mean, we both watch the same TV commercials. And she doesn’t subscribe to any magazines. So how does she learn about all this stuff? I’d flat out ask her, but I’m starting to realize that even the corny mysteries in a marriage can add to the joy of the relationship, even after years of thinking you know everything about a person.

Next stop is her purse.


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